We Don’t Really Hear Each Other

We are not always able to accurately hear what others mean to convey. Sometimes we hear only a fraction of what’s been said and our brains misunderstand or bias the rest – and we might not realize it until it’s too late, causing us to believe we’re right and others are wrong, or moving to action using the wrong assumptions. We’re left with restricted communication and creativity, failed relationships, and lost profit. And none of it is our fault.

We try to attend carefully to what’s being said. Yet our pesky brains do some pretty sophisticated stuff, all without our conscious consent: they

  • delete or misconstrue or filter out what sounds wrong or goes against our beliefs or is unfamiliar, then
  • matches what’s left with a historic memory of a ‘similar-enough’ conversation and
  • throws out what doesn’t match that memory.

Whatever is left is what we believe has been said.

In conversations with familiar folks, there is less of a gap; with folks we don’t know, in dialogues that are outside of our habitual knowledge base, or when we enter conversations with a rigid goal, we accurately understand far less of what was actually meant. A problem occurs when we are convinced – certain – that what we heard is accurate, and don’t know when, if, or how, to take measures to fix a problem we don’t believe we have. As a result we unwittingly compromise relationships, business, partnerships, creativity, and success.

With little control over what our brains tell us we’ve heard, we’re left with the fallout:

  • Misunderstandings that remain unresolved because we believe – we’re certain – we’re right;
  • Bad feelings and take-aways caused by misheard communication;
  • Biased assumptions that cause inadequate responses and failed initiatives;
  • Misheard facts that lead to inaccuracies in business, technology, relationships;
  • Restricted creativity, laps in leadership, therapy, coaching, and medical advice.

We misunderstand doctors, make assumptions with our teenagers and vendors, bias communications with family members and colleagues, set up filters before conversations with historic relationships. Our lives are influenced by how accurately we hear what others mean to convey.

But a new book is out that will resolve these problems. What? Did you really say what I think I heard? not only describes how, exactly, our brains create the instinctive actions that limit our ability to hear others without bias or misunderstanding, but also shows how to intervene our automatic behaviors and hear others as they intend to be heard.

Different from books on Active Listening which merely enables listeners to hear words, What? focuses on understanding intended meaning. Using exercises and assessments, funny stories and authentic appeal, New York Times best selling author and StrategyDriven Principal Contributor, Sharon Drew Morgen has written a game changer, a book that thoroughly breaks down every aspect of how we interpret what others mean to tell us, how the understanding gap between Sender and Receiver is created, and the skills to avoid any misinterpretation or bias at all. It’s a book that will be the foremost communication book for decades and the book is being offered for free (no opt in).

Go to www.didihearyou.com where you can get the book, and peruse the learning tools that accompany the book for those wishing to recognize any obstacles with their listening habits (Assessments) or learn how to overcome any bias and misinterpretation issues (Study Guide) that occur during conversations.


About the Author

Sharon Drew Morgen is founder of Morgen Facilitations, Inc. (www.newsalesparadigm.com). She is the visionary behind Buying Facilitation®, the decision facilitation model that enables people to change with integrity. A pioneer who has spoken about, written about, and taught the skills to help buyers buy, she is the author of the acclaimed New York Times Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: Why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell and what you can do about it.

To contact Sharon Drew at [email protected] or go to www.didihearyou.com to choose your favorite digital site to download your free book.

Important Characteristics Every Business Owner Should Have

At the core of every great businessperson, is a set of solid characteristics. There are certain traits that every entrepreneur in the world has. If you are lucky enough to have these traits, you will succeed in the world of business. Some people think that anyone can start a business and make a decent profit. That is not true. It takes a special person to undertake the epic task of starting a company. If you don’t have what it takes, you will fail in your business career. Here are some important characteristics every business owner should have.

Important Characteristics Every Business Owner Should Have
Photo courtesy of Mish Sukharev

Motivation

As you likely know, starting a business takes a lot of hard work and dedication. If you don’t have the motivation, you will struggle to survive as a business person. You will be working many hours with little reward for the first year or two of your business. You need some motivation to drive you forwards, or you will find that you give up before you make a success of your company. If you are a lazy person who gives up easily, you will never make it. Nobody can make you work. You need to want to work.

Creativity

It’s fine having motivation, but if you have nothing to work towards, what is the point? At the heart of every new business is a fantastic idea. You need to think of something original, which will make your company unique. Otherwise, you will not stand out from the crowd. Creative people always have new ideas and can expand on the ideas of others. That means that you can see ways to improve products and services. Few people are creative by nature. Many try to come up with new ideas, but few are innovative without trying.

Charisma

When you start a business, you need people to buy into it. That means that you have to find ways to convince people of how great your company is. If you are not a charismatic person, you will find it hard to sell your company to others. When you meet business contacts or clients, you need to charm them. When people fake charm, it can seem a little sleazy. Nobody wants to work with someone who is creepy and fake. Naturally charismatic people can sell anything to anything to anyone. If, when you talk to people, you can engage with them on a meaningful level right away, you are charismatic.

Decisiveness

Do you struggle to make decisions? If you do, maybe you are not the right person to start a business. When you are running a company, you need to make a lot of key decisions. If you hesitate or take too long to make a decision, you could lose money and waste opportunities. For example, let’s say there is Manchester office space available for a limited time. You might be unsure of whether you want to open a branch of your business in Manchester. A decisive person will make a decision fast and stick to it. An indecisive person will hesitate and miss an excellent opportunity.

Compassion

If you are not compassionate, it means that you don’t understand the needs of others. Your company provides products or services to people. Whether your business is B2B or B2C, you will still be serving someone. If you fail to understand what people need from you, your business will fail too. Studies show that people with a high level of compassion suit managerial roles best. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand what people need or want. If you are perceptive, you will pick up what people are thinking and develop your business to suit them.

Practicality

Trying to do a million things in a short space of time might not be a practical decision. When people don’t approach things in a practical manner, they find it hard to cope with all the jobs they have to do. A great entrepreneur is someone who can manage their time and their workload. If you dive into projects too fast or make irrational decisions, you will find it hard to make the most of your business. In fact, you might let the work overwhelm you. If that happens, you could stress yourself out and break down.

Intelligence

Intelligence doesn’t always mean that you are academic or that you have loads of qualifications. In fact, intelligence has little to do with degrees. What makes a person intelligent is how they approach certain situations. You will need to be emotionally intelligent in that you need to understand how others feel. You will also need to be intelligent in the way that you talk to people and sell to them. Running a company is a lot like a balancing act. You need to handle loads of projects at once. If you lack intelligence, you will find that you can’t handle the workload.

Resilience

When you first start a business, you will fail at something. Failure is part of life. It doesn’t matter if you don’t succeed the first time you try to do something. What matters is that you try again. When you take a hit, you need to get back up again and start over. If you let failure hold you back, you will never make a success of your life. It takes true resilience to try again when you fail at something. Failure knocks people’s confidence. That is normal. You need to get over it and move on, though if you want to be a great business owner.

Independence

When you run a business, you can’t afford to rely on anyone except yourself. You are the master of your destiny. In other careers, you always have people above you to look after you and check that you are doing things right. When you work for yourself, you are the only person who you can trust. If you need constant reassurance from others, you will not make a great entrepreneur. You need to find ways to work on an independent level so that you can go it alone.

Why it Pays to be a Contrarian

In his famous poem, Robert Frost declared that he preferred to take “the road less travelled by.” I take that idea not only as a useful philosophy for life, but also as an even better guide for business.

When I began to buy and sell commercial real estate in 1968 I was told that the market had been weak for years, and I was foolish to even consider that kind of investment.

Luckily, my father raised me to be a contrarian.

I smiled and began to invest. The market soon improved dramatically. Since that time, I’ve continued to follow my father’s advice and grown my business into a billion dollar company.

“If everyone is buying, then sell,” he used to say. “If everyone is selling, then it’s time to buy.” He once called his stockbroker, Carr Neel Miller, and asked for his company’s research on the First Charter Financial Corporation. Mr. Miller said, “Fred, the Savings and Loan industry is so shaky that E. F. Hutton & Co. doesn’t even follow it. We have no research.”

My father smiled and bought 4,000 shares of First Charter Financial at $7.00 a share. Four years later, when brokerage houses were heartily recommending the stock, my dad sold First Charter at $28.00 a share. That’s a profit of 300 percent in four years.

It pays to be a contrarian.

Of course, being a contrarian doesn’t mean you always go against the grain. You have to be selective. But being a contrarian means that you are always willing to QUESTION your direction, especially when everyone else seems to be floating with the current.


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About the Author

Alan Fox is the president of ACF Property Management, Inc, and author of The New York Times bestseller PEOPLE TOOLS: 54 Strategies for Building Relationships, Creating Joy, and Embracing Prosperity. He has university degrees in accounting, law, education, and professional writing. He was employed as a Tax Supervisor for a national CPA firm, established his own law firm, then founded a commercial real estate company in 1968 that now owns over one billion dollars in real estate. Fox is the founder, editor, and publisher of Rattle, one of the most respected literary magazines in the United States, and he sits on the board of directors of several non-profit foundations. Visit www.peopletoolsbook.com.

What Does Your Voice Say About You?

StrategyDriven Practices for Professionals ArticleUnless there is an obvious problem, most of us don’t give more than an occasional passing thought to how our voice sounds. However, recent research on how vocal quality affects others’ perceptions may make you think twice.

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal discusses a study that shows that the quality of your voice has an even stronger impact on how you are perceived than the content of your message. As listeners provided feedback on speakers, it was found that their vocal quality mattered twice as much as the content of the message. The article cites another study as well, which showed that people who heard recordings of rough, weak, strained or breathy voices judged the speakers to be negative, weak, passive or tense. On the other hand, speakers with ‘normal’ voices are seen as successful, sexy, sociable and smart. This difference in perception can be particularly important in a professional environment where the way others perceive you can make the difference between gaining or losing a client or moving up the corporate ladder. A study in Forbes magazine even showed how poor vocal quality can actually cost you money in the long run.

One of the key components to a strong, dynamic voice is breath support. Your breath is the power behind your voice. If you aren’t breathing properly and getting enough air, you will strain your voice trying to be heard. Often people try to compensate for poor breath support by using muscular tension to increase volume. Over time, this will cause your vocal quality to suffer, and may cause physical damage to your vocal cords. Proper breath support begins with breathing from the abdomen, not the chest: your stomach and lower ribcage should expand outwards as you breathe, and your chest should not rise. If you have trouble mastering this technique, lay on your back with your hand on your stomach and take a deep, relaxing breath as though you were about to go to sleep. When in this position, our body naturally reverts to proper breathing. After you’ve gotten used to how this type of breathing feels, stand up and take a few deep breaths, maintaining the technique. Then, practice speaking aloud with this type of breathing.

You can also improve your vocal quality by eliminating habits that are damaging to your vocal cords. One common vocal sin is not drinking enough water. Parched vocal cords can be easily damaged and decrease the quality of your voice. Keep a bottle of water with you throughout the workday, especially situations in which you’ll be speaking for a long time or in front of a group of people. Also, be aware of other factors that can be dehydrating. Caffeine and alcohol are both dehydrating substances; if possible, limit your consumption of both prior to speaking in public. Some medications, such as antihistamines, can also have a drying effect.

Another bad habit is raising your voice to speak above noise. While there are certainly situations that call for more vocal power, consistently raising your voice above its natural volume can be damaging. Before shouting, make your first line of defense modifying the environment instead. Step out of a noisy room, shut the door, or walk closer to someone who is standing far away. If you are giving a presentation, use a microphone instead of trying to shout to the back of the room.

A powerful, dynamic voice is critical to professional success in today’s competitive workplace. Luckily you can change the way you sound! Follow the strategies above for a strong commanding voice. If you’d like to make more significant changes in your general vocal quality, you may want to enlist the help of a corporate speech-language pathologist who can provide vocal training to target your specific needs.

Remember: it doesn’t matter how strong your professional skills are if your listener is distracted by your voice or communication style. But with a little time and effort, you can make your communication skills your most powerful professional tool!


About the Author

Jayne LatzJayne Latz is an expert in communication and CEO of Corporate Speech Solutions, LLC. She has worked as a speech trainer, coach, professional speaker, and has co-authored two books titled, Talking Business: A Guide to Professional Communication and Talking Business: When English is Your Second Language. She was recently featured in The Wall Street Journal and on The TODAY Show.

If you are interested in learning more ways to improve your business communication skills, contact Jayne at [email protected] or visit www.corporatespeechsolutions.com.

Job Seekers Should Consider What Their Online, In-Person and On-Paper Personas Say about Them

StrategyDriven Practices for Professionals ArticleA potential employer takes just a moment or two to size up a potential candidate, leaving job seekers little room for error when trying to make a positive first impression. Whether presenting themselves online, in-person, or on paper, job seekers relay a lot of information to a potential employer in the first few minutes. Employers quickly assess confidence, energy level and professionalism – all key traits that tell the employer what a candidate might bring to the workplace. As a result, it’s very important to present yourself in the best possible light.

Job seekers need to focus on their accomplishments and fit for the role first and foremost, which can make them feel pressured. But, there ARE steps they can take to ensure another interview or – better – a job offer.

Here are suggestions for making the best first impression:

  • Long resumes are a turn-off. It’s perfectly acceptable for executives to have a resume that’s as much as three pages long, but longer than that is overkill and employees looking for more junior positions should shorten their resumes even further. There is no reason to offer every detail in your resume.
  • Make sure the resume is up to date and written to highlight your relevant skills and experience that fit your current search.. Most people merely update their old resume. It’s important to write a new resume from scratch with each new job search, because typically you are interviewing at more senior levels. For example, five years ago you might have written about your individual contributions to a team; today you need to emphasize your management experience and what you have done to lead the team.
  • Resume style matters. Don’t overlook how the resume is organized and presented visually with regard to fonts and layout.
  • Make sure your online presence puts you in the best possible light. Keep your LinkedIn profile updated at all times. Clean up your Facebook page of anything that might raise an eyebrow to recruiters or an employer.
  • Dress for your environment. Dress for an interview in accordance with the employer’s office dress code, whenever possible. If it’s a suit-and-tie environment, dress the part. If it’s business casual, then it’s perfectly acceptable to forgo the jacket. There is a risk in overdressing; you need to demonstrate that you understand and fit the workplace culture.. When in doubt, ask the recruiter how you should dress for the interview.
  • Be aware of your speech patterns. Don’t speak too quickly or too slowly, too quietly or too loudly. Employers will consider this when they envision having to speak with you or be present in meetings with you daily.
  • Other physical cues. Always use a firm handshake and make eye contact with the interviewer. Sit up straight in your chair. Those rules have and will always apply.
  • Be mindful of your energy level. People gravitate to others with a good energy level because they look forward to working alongside them every day. Be enthusiastic but not over the top.
  • Don’t patronize a younger interviewer. Just because someone is younger or less experienced than you are does not mean they lack the authority to put a halt to your interview process. Further, it is good form to show anyone that interviews you the due respect they deserve.
  • Make them notice your accomplishments. Minimize distractions such as excessive jewelry or makeup and pull back very long hair.
  • Keep your answers to the point. Avoid going into too much unnecessary detail in your answers, but always offer to provide additional detail to your interviewer if they are interested in knowing more.
  • Don’t dress like you don’t need the job. Always dress like you achieved career success but leave your fur coats and very expensive jewelry at home. You never want to look like you don’t need the job.

The rules about only having a few moments to make the right impression still apply. Today, though, it’s about making sure you put your best foot forward in multiple media, including the Internet. But promoting yourself through multiple channels should be the catalyst to prompt a prospective employer to take the next step.


About the Author

Kathy HarrisKathy Harris is Managing Partner of New York City-based Harris Allied, an executive search firm specializing in Technology, UX/UI Design and Quant Analyst placement services in the Financial Services, Professional Services, Consumer Products, Digital Media and Tech Industries For more information, visit www.harrisallied.com. Contact Kathy Harris at [email protected].