Overcoming Opposition

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I’m regularly flummoxed when I hear people question climate change, or when folks actually believe that people of color are ‘different’ and worthy of being insulted, underpaid, ignored. What’s up with Congress and why can’t that many smart people find grounds for compromise? And why do women still only earn a fraction of what men earn? Are we not smart enough? Worthy?

With our unique, subjective stances, we attempt to change the opinions of others to concur with us: Liberals attempt to change Conservatives; races try to engender diversity; sellers attempt to convince buyers their status quo is flawed; techies/engineers/scientists/doctors believe they hold the Smart Card of Right/Knowledge/Rationale and work at pushing their opinions accordingly. Yet rarely do we make a dent. Others are ‘stubborn’ ‘stupid’ ‘irrational’ ‘ill-informed’ while we, of course, hold the high ground.

Core Beliefs Maintain Our Lives

The problem that causes all this ‘stubbornness’ and difficulty achieving alignment is the difference in core beliefs. Developed over our lifetimes via our experience and life path and forming the core of our subjective biases, they embody our Identity. And as the foundation of our daily decisions and status quo, it all feels just fine. It’s who we are, and we live – and restrict – our lives in service to these beliefs: we choose jobs, newspapers, neighborhoods and life partners accordingly. While researching my new book What? on the gap between what’s said and what’s heard, I learned we even interpret what others say to maintain our subjectivity.

Every day we (our companies, families, etc.) wake up congruent; we work hard to maintain our status quo, aided by our habits and memory. Every day, in every way, we regenerate our biases; in service to maintaining systems congruence, we filter in/out anything that causes us to question status quo. Anything that threatens this faces resistance and conflict as part of self-preservation. Why would anyone disrupt their stable internal systems just because something from outside that attacks our core beliefs tells us to? When pundits say our behaviors are ‘irrational’ they ignore the fact that all of our beliefs are rational to our systems. Everyone seeks to maintain their status quo at all costs. Literally.

And when we hear others spout ideas that run counter to our beliefs and potentially challenge our views, opinions, habits and norms, we feel challenged and set about finding ways to convince others to believe as we do. But our attempts to change minds must fail

  • Because our ‘relevant’ information, carefully culled from studies, pundits, target intellectuals or politicians to prove we’re Right, is biased according to our own subjective beliefs and likely not the same studies, pundits, target intellectuals, or politicians that our Communication Partner would believe.
  • Because we’re arrogant. We’re telling others I’m right/you’re wrong.
  • Because information doesn’t teach anyone how to change, and it can’t even be heard accurately, unless they are already prepared to do so.
  • Because we cause resistance.

Agreement Requires Belief Modification

As outsiders we will never fully understand how another’s idiosyncratic beliefs create their opinions. Nor do we need to. We just need to find agreement somewhere; we must eschew the need to be Right. We must enter each discussion as a blank slate, without a map or biases, with the only stated goal being to find common ground.

Imagine if you believed (there’s that word again) that you had no answers, no ‘Right Factor’, only the ability to facilitate an examination of a higher order of beliefs that you can both agree on.

Instead of trying to match your own beliefs, find a belief you can match. Maybe you can agree that maintaining climate health is valuable, and merely disagree on causation or cures and move on from there. Here are some steps:

  • Enter conversations without bias, need to be right, or expectation.
  • Enter with a goal to find a higher order of agreement rather than a specific outcome.
  • Chunk up to find a category that’s agreeable to both and fits everyone’s beliefs.
  • Begin examining the category to find other agreeable points.
  • Use the agreeable points to move toward collaboration where possible.

I’m a Buddhist. I’ve learned that there is no such thing as being Right. But I’ve also learned that I don’t need to disrespect my own beliefs or undermine my own tolerance level to be compassionate and recognize that everyone has a right to believe as they do. Of course sometimes I’m willing to lose a friend or client if another’s beliefs are so far outside my identity that I feel harmed. But I understand that my stance, too, is most likely biased and defensive. I, too, might have to alter my beliefs to be more amenable to collaboration.

Here is the question I ask myself at times I feel the need to change someone’s opinion: Would I rather be Right, or in Relationship?

About the Author

Sharon Drew Morgen is founder of Morgen Facilitations, Inc. (www.newsalesparadigm.com). She is the visionary behind Buying Facilitation®, the decision facilitation model that enables people to change with integrity. A pioneer who has spoken about, written about, and taught the skills to help buyers buy, she is the author of the acclaimed New York Times Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: Why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell and what you can do about it.

To contact Sharon Drew at [email protected] or go to www.didihearyou.com to choose your favorite digital site to download your free book.

6 Things I’m Learning from Millennials

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StrategyDriven Diversity and Inclusion ArticleMost of us have first-hand experience with just how ridiculous stereotypes can be.

I, for example, proudly break the stereotype of the reserved British person by being blunt and speaking my mind; seldom will you find me acquiescing about things I’m passionate about for the sake of English decorum.

While politeness is a stereotype that doesn’t personally cause me much grief, it’s important to remember that many stereotypes are actually quite dangerous—even the ones that seem harmless.

Take millennials, for instance. There’s no doubt that millennial talent represents a valuable asset for the continued success of many companies. However, much of the furor around unlocking the mysteries of millennials in order to win their talent does a unique disservice to an entire generation (and, for that matter, the generations of Boomers and Gen Xers as well) by forcing individuals into predefined silos of what broad groups of professionals are supposed to say and do:

  • Millennials are entitled.
  • Millennials can’t thrive in a traditional corporate structure.
  • Millennials can’t make decisions without everyone’s input.
  • Add your favorite millennial stereotype here.

I’m guilty of falling into this trap myself, but daily interactions with colleagues, friends, customers, and job candidates are constantly shaking loose many of the preconceived notions I have about working with millennials. Here are six things I’m learning.

1. Authenticity Beats Formality
I recently interviewed someone for a key role based in Dublin, one critical to the success of a new product. Eventually, the role will grow to cover the whole of Europe. In contrast to many candidates before her, this woman chose to forego a formal conference call or in-office meeting. Instead, the interview was held on Zoom (which the candidate had just downloaded onto her phone) from a cafe in Dublin. I was impressed with her drive, openness, expertise, and energy—the fact that she was in a cafe on her phone was irrelevant to her obvious competence. Her authentic self and desire to win beat any formality that other candidates may have felt were relevant. She got the job.

2. Matrix Beats Hierarchy
Driven millennials are great at getting the right things done through the matrix—no matter what. A colleague in our Atlanta business center recently took the initiative to enable a product feature that will drive more sales. Pulling this off required matrix management across IS, marketing, customer service, product management, and product development. Despite what might otherwise be a complicated juggling act, there was no hesitation or time wasted in waiting for senior personnel to weigh in or offer approval. Instead, the feature’s execution was handled quickly and efficiently, and when it appeared, everyone loved it.

3. Humility and Raw Ambition Go Hand in Hand
I am lucky enough to know a couple of hyper-successful millennials, one in sport and one in media. Both are internationally renowned; both have had almost overnight success; and yet both show extreme humility despite their stardom. Supportive messages from these people on WhatsApp or Twitter are a frequent sight (How can I help you? Is there anything you need? Really appreciate your feedback!). That’s not to say that these guys aren’t ambitious—they want more, they want to win, and they definitely want to earn big and be well known. They just do so in a way that takes people with them, and shows humility and appreciation every day.

4. Winning at Digital is Not a Millennial Thing
I have learned not to assume that all millennials are social media gurus. In fact, working with small businesses (a major facet of my day job) has shown me that plenty of millennial business owners don’t understand how to use social to market their businesses. Additionally, they often ignore digital business tools (like online accounting) that might help them to accomplish more. The truth is that anyone can adopt a “millennial mindset,” and doing so is essential for success in an increasingly digital world. For example, Richard Branson (who is decidedly NOT a millennial) has always been a fantastic example of someone who knows what it takes to build a brand—which today means taking full advantage to technology to transform your business and connect with customers; ignoring this instantly ages people, regardless of how old they actually are.

5. Diversity-mindedness Connects Us All
No-one knows it all. Human hunger for knowledge keeps us sharing, reading, learning, and connecting. Do millennials want to learn from older people more than those in the generations before them? Hard to say. However, an acceptance of people of all kinds—of diversity—is definitely a key component to the millennial mindset. And this open and inclusive perspective is one that can effectively bridge the generation gap between millennials and their older colleagues—provided that a respect for authenticity over formality, the matrix, and engagement versus top-down communication are shared priorities.

6. Transformation Matters, Logistics are Trivia
Job interviews often end with questions to the candidate and closing statements from the candidate to the interviewer. Here are some real examples of things I’ve heard. Guess who said what:

  • The commute is long—how flexible are you to working from home?
  • What is your take on corporate philanthropy?
  • What is your view on the USP that would enable this product line to leapfrog the competition?
  • What books are you reading at the moment and why?

That’s right – millennials!

For all business leaders looking to discover the secret to the millennial mind, here’s my advice: Millennials are just people—there is no special key to winning their talent or unleashing their abilities. The most important thing I’ve learned is that every person—millennial or otherwise—is nuanced, complex, and undeniably individual. Drive, pluck, and determination are ageless qualities, and those that have them are the ones that naturally rise to the top. That is no secret. If you want to learn what makes millennials tick, talk to them; ask questions; be genuinely curious without prejudice. Who knows what great potential you might discover once stereotypes are out of the picture?

About the Author

Nick Goode is the Vice President Product Management — Cloud & Sage One, Sage’s cloud accounting and payroll solution for start-ups and small businesses. Goode is accountable for the commercial, channel, product and marketing strategy for Sage One worldwide. Goode is previously Head of Sage One for Sage UK, and prior to that, Head of Marketing for the Accountants Division at Sage. His LinkedIn can be viewed at https://www.linkedin.com/in/nickgoodeuk and his Twitter handle is @nickgoode.

Management Observation Program Best Practice 18 – Observation Transparency

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StrategyDriven Management Observation Program Best Practice ArticleIndividuals naturally become edgy when monitored at work. Observation programs shrouded in secrecy further contribute to this sense of anxiety as observed subjects remain unaware of what is being documented and how it might affect their career. Consequently, observers can significantly reduce the observed subjects’ anxiety by making the observation, including observation documentation, as transparent as possible.

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About the Author

Nathan Ives, StrategyDriven Principal is a StrategyDriven Principal and Host of the StrategyDriven Podcast. For over twenty years, he has served as trusted advisor to executives and managers at dozens of Fortune 500 and smaller companies in the areas of management effectiveness, organizational development, and process improvement. To read Nathan’s complete biography, click here.

Don’t “close the sale” – all you have to do is ask for it.

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Seems too simple. Just ask.

In most cases to get the sale – at some point you must ask for it. “Yes, Jeffrey,” you say, “but when do you ask? What’s the perfect time to ask?”

How do I know? No one knows that except you. I can only tell you it’s a delicate combination of the prospect’s buying signals, and your gut feeling.

How and what to ask are easier to define than when. Since the “ask” is a critical part of the sale, you’d better be prepared with a number of options for the how and what part.

Important note: Here’s what never to ask: “What will it take for me to get your business?” or “Where do I need to be to get your business?” Those are insult questions. Great salespeople figure out what it takes, and then do it.

More important note: Many salespeople are “ask reluctant.” If this is you, just realize the worst that can happen when you ask is that the prospect says “no” – which to any good salesperson means “not yet!” Big deal. Ask you chicken!

Here’s the WHAT and the HOW.

How do you ask for the sale? Here are 7.5 ways…

1. Ask – What’s the risk? When you ask the prospect what risks are associated in doing business with you, real objections may surface – or – (and here’s the best part) there are usually none that come to mind. You say – “Well, Mr. Johnson, when would you like to start not risking?” and the sale is yours.

2. Ask – When is the next job? If you’re making a sale where there are lots of opportunities (printer, supplies, temp help, construction, graphic design) you only need to get one job (order) to prove yourself.

3. Ask – for an indirect commitment. Could you arrange your schedule to be there at delivery? How many people will need to be trained? When can we set up training? (This is the assumptive position, explained in-depth in an earlier article.)

4. Ask – What’s preventing it? Is there anything preventing you from doing business with us? What’s in the way? What are the obstacles?

5. Ask – Is that the only reason you’re hesitant? If there’s an obstacle or objection ask – Is that the only reason? In other words, Mr. Johnson, if it wasn’t for (objection) then we could…

6. Ask – or communicate creatively – Go to the 5¢ & 10¢ store (pretty much dates me doesn’t it) and buy some plastic fence and a few plastic (rubber) people. Wire one person to the fence that most resembles (or would be non-offensive to) the prospect. Send it in a box to the prospect — and include a flyer declaring it’s “National Get Off the Fence Week.” Tell the prospect he’s been thinking about it long enough – and what better time to get off the fence, and place an order than during this special celebration week? Tell him he’ll be helping underprivileged salespeople all over the world by getting off the fence and placing an order. Create some laughter. Have some fun. Make some sales.

7. Create an offer so good that you can end by asking “fair enough?” “Mr. Johnson, I don’t know if we can help you or not – but if you bring your most important examples to lunch on Friday – if I can help you, I’ll tell you. And if I can’t help you, I’ll tell you that, too. Fair enough?” Here’s another – “Mr. Johnson, give me a trial order and let me earn your business. If it’s not everything I claim and more, you don’t have to pay for it. Fair enough?” (“Fair enough” should always be accompanied by a “can’t say no deal.”)

And when all else fails:

7.5 Ask – with humor – “Mr. Johnson, I finally figured out what it will take to get your business – all you have to do is say yes! The more adventurous salesperson will add – “When would you like to do that?”

Most important note: Ask for the sale when the mood is right. The worst possible place is in the prospect’s office. Best place is a business breakfast, lunch or dinner. Next best is your office. Next best is a trade show.

The rule of thumb is: ask early, and ask often. The best way to master the skill is – practice in front of someone who can say “yes.”

OK – That’s how and what to ask. When to ask is next week.

Reprinted with permission from Jeffrey H. Gitomer and Buy Gitomer.

About the Author

Jeffrey GitomerJeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Sales Bible, Customer Satisfaction is Worthless Customer Loyalty is Priceless, The Little Red Book of Selling, The Little Red Book of Sales Answers, The Little Black Book of Connections, The Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude, The Little Green Book of Getting Your Way, The Little Platinum Book of Cha-Ching, The Little Teal Book of Trust, The Little Book of Leadership, and Social BOOM! His website, www.gitomer.com, will lead you to more information about training and seminars, or email him personally at [email protected].

Leadership Through a Transparent Lens

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Fiduciary responsibility is a two-way street paved with trust. Trust that the client is clear on his or her goals, and that the investment advisor’s plan to achieve them is well defined. With a complete disregard for ambiguity, trust demands transparency. An authentic broker-investor relationship is a microcosm of transparent leadership because a fiduciary duty epitomizes the highest of standards.

As a leader, my role in my company and in my community is to speak intelligently about the causes, values, and ideologies in which I believe. If those resonate, people may get onboard. If for any reason they do not strike a chord, then the onus rests completely on me; any failure to articulately inspire is solely my responsibility.

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About the Author

Conor DelaneyConor Delaney founded The Good Life Financial Group in 2012. Prior to that, he served as both a top advisor and top manager for Waddell & Reed Financial Services since 2005. He graduated from Alvernia University, Reading, PA, in 2007 with a degree in Accounting and in Business Management. Delaney was also a graduate of Red Bank Catholic High School, Red Bank, NJ in 2003.