Listening Biases: how we restrict opportunity

I got to the gym yesterday only to find that my regular treadmill had been replaced by a new-fangled computer machine thing. I asked the young woman next to me how to start the damn thing as it wasn’t obvious. Here was the conversation:

SDM: Where’s the start button on this thing?
Woman: Over there. You’ll want to start on 2.3 miles and…
SDM: Thanks for showing me. I’m good now. Thanks.
Woman: You’re starting too high! Plus, you’ll want to put it at an incline of 1% to start, then…
SDM: No. Really. I’m good.
Woman: I’m telling you the right way to do this! I’m a professional trainer! I know what I’m talking about!
SDM: I’m sure you do. But I’m good. Thanks.
Woman: What’s your problem, lady??? You asked me for my advice! I’m just responding to your question! I’M A PROFESSIONAL!

That woman converted my simple request to start a machine into a request for her expertise – what she wanted to hear rather than what I meant – and she was so out of choice (see article on How vs What) that she couldn’t recognize my attempt to disengage from the conversation – three times! But we all do this sort of thing.

Biases

Far too often, we shove what someone means to convey into the small box of what we’re listening for and end up tangling or misdirecting conversations – certainly limiting possible outcomes. We’re actually filtering what we hear through our unconscious biases. Let me introduce you to some of the more common ones out of the hundreds of recognized biases:

Confirmation bias: we listen to get personal validation, often using leading questions, to confirm to ourselves that we’re right; we seek out people and ideas to confirm our own views and maintain our status quo.

Expectation bias: we decide what we want to take away from a conversation prior to entering, causing us to only pick out the bits that match and disregarding the rest; we mishear and misinterpret what’s said to conform to our goals.

Status quo bias: we listen to confirm that we’re fine the way we are and reject any information that proves we may be wrong.

Attention bias: we ignore what we don’t want to hear – and often don’t even hear, or acknowledge, something has been said.

Information bias: we gather the information we’ve deemed ‘important’ to push our own agendas or prove a point. When used for data analysis, we often collect information according to expectation bias and selection bias. (This biases scientific and social research, and data analysis.)

And of course, we all have a Bias Blind Spot: we naturally believe we’re not biased – just Right! And anyone that doesn’t believe we’re Right is Wrong.

Our Brains Bias Autonomously

When researching my book on how to close the gap between what’s said and what’s heard, I discovered that our brains only allow us to understand a fraction of what others mean to convey (Note: the fraction depends on different types of familiarity, triggers, history, beliefs, etc.). because our brains seek to ‘protect’ us; unfortunately they don’t even let us know that what was meant isn’t being correctly received. So the woman in the opening story actually heard me ask her for advice.

I believe our success is regulated by our listening biases and our ability – or not – to recognize when/if our biases are getting in the way (I wrote a chapter in What? that offers a skill set on how to do this). Certainly our creativity and opportunities, our choices of jobs, mates, friends, etc. are restricted. The natural biasing we do is compounded by the tricks our brains play with memory and habit, making the probability of factual interpretation, of an intended meaning, pretty slim.

If we can avoid the trap of assuming what we think has been said is accurate, and assume that some portion of what we think has been said might contain some bias, we could take more responsibility for our conversations. Here’s what we’d do:

  • At the end of each conversation, we’d check in with our Communication Partner and get accuracy agreement.
  • Whenever we hear something that sounds like an agreement or a plan, we’d stop the flow of the conversation to check that what we think we heard is accurate.
  • At the end of meetings, we’d check in that our takeaway plans and their outcomes are agreeable.
  • When we hear something ‘different’ we won’t assume the other person wrong, but consider the possibility that we are the ones who heard it wrong.

Knowing the difference between what we think others are saying vs what they actually mean to convey takes on great importance in meetings, coaching calls, negotiations, doctors, and information collection for decision analysts. Let’s get rid of our egos. Let’s begin to put our need to collaborate, pursue win/win communication, and authentic Servant Leadership into all our communication. Otherwise, we’re merely finding situations that maintain our status quo. And we lose the opportunity to be better, stronger, kinder, and more creative.


About the Author

Sharon Drew MorgenSharon Drew Morgen is a visionary, original thinker, and thought leader in change management and decision facilitation. She works as a coach, trainer, speaker, and consultant, and has authored 9 books including the NYTimes Business BestsellerSelling with Integrity. Morgen developed the Buying Facilitation® method (www.sharondrewmorgen.com) in 1985 to facilitate change decisions, notably to help buyers buy and help leaders and coaches affect permanent change. Her newest book What? www.didihearyou.com explains how to close the gap between what’s said and what’s heard. She can be reached at [email protected]

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Your prospect will signal you when they’re ready to buy.

“Billy, pay attention!” That was your first listening lesson.
Probably delivered when you were too young to pay attention.
Fast forward 20 something years (or more) and you’re STILL not listening.

Your customer is telling you he or she is somewhere between “interested” and “ready” in your sales conversation, and you’re pressing to “overcome” some bogus objection because your focus is on “making the sale” rather than “helping the customer buy.”

Last week I kicked off the 3-part “Buying Signals” lesson. Here is part two. All parts have one thing in common – you must be LISTENING in order to get the signals, and you must be ready to respond once you hear them.

Here’s more of the 21.5 buying signals:

5. Asking positive questions about you or your business. You may not take them as positive, but they are. “How long have you been with the company?” is asking about you as a salesperson. Will you be here to serve me AFTER the sale. “How long has your company been in business?” They want to know about security, safety, and lower risk.

6. Wanting something repeated. “What was it that you said before about financing?” “Tell me about that again.” If prospects want to know about it again, that means there is an interest. A buying interest. If you tell them about it again, then you ask them if they want to place the order now, or if they want to hear more stuff again.

7. Statements about problems with previous vendors. That is huge! When prospects ask, “How long does it take to respond to a service call?” that indicates they have a service problem. Perfect time for you to ask, “Has service been problem?” “Tell me about it.” “What do type of service do you need?” “What kind of response do you need?” “So what you’re saying is, if our service is there for you when you need it we might be the best choice for you?” What you are doing here is asking for the sale, and not giving them any reason or opportunity for the prospect to say no! This type of question is a huge buying signal… you just need to be aware of it, and be prepared to answer it before you walk in the door.

8. Questions about features or options. “What will it do?” “What will you do?” “Is this standard or optional?” “Is this my best option?” “Does this model come with that?” “Is this standard?” “Do I have to pay extra for this?” What these types of questions mean is that the customer is trying to picture ownership with your stuff attached to it. Your job is to recognize the signal, and be reassuring and prepared to confirm the prospect’s choice.

9. Questions about productivity. Productivity is a little bit more subtle. They may ask questions like: (I will use a copy machine as an example because everyone uses one), “How many copies a day can it make?” “How often will it break down?” “Will it be easy for my employees to use?” “What is your service response time?” Price plus productivity equals cost. Productivity is a key ingredient in your differentiation. And your job as a salesperson is to get them from “price” to “cost.” Sometimes it may be a price issue, when it is really a cost issue. Your job is to get them to cost. HINT: you never want to be the lowest price.

10. Questions about quality, guarantee, or warranty. “How long is this under warranty?” “How long will this last?” What the customer is saying to you is: I want to own this, but I want more reassurance.

11. Questions about qualifications. “Now qualifications” take 3 different paths: One is your qualifications. The second is your company’s qualifications. The third is your product’s qualifications. ASK YOURSELF: Can all your people answer all customer’s questions on the phone? Can I call you directly if I had a problem? Do you have a special help desk? All of these things relate to some form of ownership in the prospects mind.

12. Specific positive questions about the company. “What other products do you carry?” “How long have you been making this one?” “What happened to the last model?” “Do you have a new model coming out shortly?” Major Clue: Answer all questions briefly and immediately. Don’t whip out the catalog or a bunch of slides. Instead, say, “Mr. Jones, let me take you on a brief virtual tour of our factory or warehouse. Let me show you some of our other products and how they can help you.”

13. Specific products or service questions. “How does the manual feed operate?” “Do you select the trainer or do I?” Make certain that your customer feels totally at ease about all elements of purchase and operation, including the equipment and the operation of your business. Put them at ease, but also ask for the sale.

More signals? Oh yeah! The rest of the 21.5 buying signals will be right here next week. Stay tuned!…

Reprinted with permission from Jeffrey H. Gitomer and Buy Gitomer.


About the Author

Jeffrey GitomerJeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Sales Bible, Customer Satisfaction is Worthless Customer Loyalty is Priceless, The Little Red Book of Selling, The Little Red Book of Sales Answers, The Little Black Book of Connections, The Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude, The Little Green Book of Getting Your Way, The Little Platinum Book of Cha-Ching, The Little Teal Book of Trust, The Little Book of Leadership, and Social BOOM! His website, www.gitomer.com, will lead you to more information about training and seminars, or email him personally at [email protected].